It’s only a smidge over a fortnight away, but we are already nose deep in a miasma of festive hokey cokey. Never mind the pressures of performing adequately as bestower of presents and hospitality, surely it is the Christmas single that elicits the strongest of reactions. Yes, in the main they are a commercial race to the bottom bereft of the merest scintilla of musical worth, but they do seem to burn themselves into the memory in a way that other music mostly fails. Play Wham’s Last Christmas to the man on the street and it would probably stir a more emotional response than anything off Reflektor could yield.
Which of the X Factor’s burnt offerings will be repeating on us for years to come? Paddy Power have a SiCo chosen alumnus odds-on for Christmas Number One. But peer a little further down the list and you might be surprised to find narrowing odds for The Specials, AC/DC and U2.
So here’s your opportunity to get your esprit de humbug ratcheted up early and have a festive foam at the mouth about Christmas singles you hate. Or maybe, just maybe there’s one you sneakingly regard as worthy of attention. Support your suggestion with the thinnest of lyrical mastery, the tinniest in Casio presets and the cheesiest in video direction.
Off you go then.
The 'Spill 
I was in a supermarket today and heard a female vocal cover of I Wish It Could Be Christmas Everyday. It occurred to me that I can take Roy Wood singing it, but the stupidity of it being Christmas every day really shone out with this inane and insincere cover.
That’ll probably be this Beth!
may have been, it does speed up the shopping process when horrible music is inflicted on me.
I actually quite like Wham’s Last Christmas, certainly a lot more than the Band Aid song it was competing with. At least it had a half-decent lyric with a certain poignancy… I rate it near, if not level with, the Smith’s Ask in terms of perfect melancholy pop songs.
The most senseless Christmas single I can think of is the Miles Davis/Bob Dorough travesty Blue Xmas (which got RR A-listed for anti-Christmas songs), proof that the practice was alive and kicking in 1962. Columbia twisted the trumpeter’s arm and squeezed the track into a sub-standard Gil Evans session which they later released- against Miles’ wishes- as Quiet Nights.
Blue Xmas was some marketing exec’s bright idea to round off a ’62 Columbia christmas LP with their most famous musician. Dorough’s lyric was in itself witty and may have worked with another musician, but the clash of styles overwhelms any merit the track may have had.
I would make a case for Last Christmas/Everything She Wants being one of the greatest double A-sided singles of all time.
And if you came up to me on the street, as it were, to put that case, I’d be statistically bound to agree with you 😉
I reckon though it definitely has something, it has a very nice vulnerable edge and it’s 100% pop song rather than some wierd pseudo-genre mix. Wham certainly had a lot more substance musically than most of today’s manufactured groups.
*hangs head*
(i kind of like this cover, even if she is no Georgie boy.)
Last Christmas can get on of my votes. I was never much into Wham, but have always had time for George Michael. I thought he was about the only singer who really came up to scratch performing at the Queen memorial concert for Freddie.
*PS And just to confirm my “man in the street” status, I can confirm that Reflektor elicits zero emotional response from me.
Lolz
Bah humbug 😉
I own one CD of Christmas Hits that we used to play in the car when the children were younger and we were off visiting relatives, well it’s only once a year that it comes out and whilst there is some dire stuff on it there is one tune that gets me every time:
Don’t forget The Christmas we get, we deserve
It works as a song and it ain’t no turkey.
i like it too.
And Greg Lake gets another one of my votes. ‘The Christmas we get we deserve’ – absolutely.
in a crowded Wheatsheaf on christmas eve in the days when the juke box was 10p a shot, someone about to leave for the next pub on a crawl through town shoved in a few quid – the same song over and over for two bleedin’ hours – not technically an xmas single Rod’s Sailing is burnt into me memory
i’m sorry, Alfie. That’s kind of horrible. Song sucks badle enough as it is.
For some strange reason I really like Chris de Burgh’s Spaceman Came Travelling, which is odd as I can’t stand anything else by him. I think it goes back to my late teens and early to mid 20s where a strict Xmas Eve tradition was followed whereby me and all my old friends in Liverpool would spend the entire day on a pub crawl around Woolton and Gateacre – the early part of the day was my favourite when the pubs where fairly quiet aside from the hardcore drinkers, and of course, in each pub, the obligatory Xmas CDs were on, but this song seemed to follow us around every pub and always be on.
Bit I suspect that is true of all the songs on those albums, but something to do with the frame of my mind perhaps made this one stand out – I think it somehow perfectly encapsulates that feeling you get about Xmas when you are a bit older, a mixture of happiness but with a strong underlying current of melancholic nostalgia yet still with a hint of the wonder of it all, which I suspect I first started feeling around this time.
Plus unlike a lot of the mainstream Xmas hits, it is very much in a minor key which makes it quite unusual.
I love Christmas songs, the stranger the better, from Wing to Strawberry Shortcake via Santa Claus conquers the Martians but there’s one standout for me.
From George Lucas’ “Star Wars” Christmas Special ( who can forget the sight of Chewbaca’s “mom” in her pinny ?)
Never heard that before. Never want to hear it again.
An interesting little factoid is that this record marks the recording debut of one Jon Bon Jovi !
This one comes close second mind.
I have to say, I rather like:
Stop The Cavalry
Fairytale of New York
Christmas Wrapping
A Winter’s Tale (yes, the David Essex one)
I can pretty much do without most other Xmas songs, especially anything touched by the hand of Cliff. Although Mariah’s Xmas single is about the only one of her songs I can stomach. (Don’t tell magicman.) And I heard Leona Lewis’s one the other day, which isn’t too bad (in a sub-Mariah kind of way).
Christmas singles should never appear on albums though (unless they’re Christmas albums). Even best ofs. Even if they’re the band’s biggest hit. Who wants to stumble across a Christmas song in mid-August?
I do listen to A Winter’s Tale out of season though, I rather like it 🙂
I forgot, in another supermarket (my life is so exciting) on 1st December we walked in and there was a Cliff christmas song blaring out, I had to be persuaded to stay in the building as the children needed packed lunch ingredients, terrible.
i love the Pogues. That is all.
The Pogues get yet another one of my votes.
1 – don’t go shopping
2 – don’t put on the radio
3 – don’t watch TV
then play in moderation:
Perky side:
Zombie Christmas – Emmy The Great & Tim Wheeler 3:45
I Want An Alien For Christmas – Hillary And The Democrats 3:01
‘Zat You, Santa Claus // The Heavy Remix – Louis Armstrong 2:57
Jesus Saves, I Spend – St. Vincent 3:57
Jesus The Reindeer – Emmy The Great & Tim Wheeler 1:46
Teenage Christmas – Eux Autres 2:35
Hey Santa – The Birthday Girl vs Alexander’s Festival Hall 3:31
Real Snow – Withered Hand 3:21
Good Morning Blues // Real Tuesday Weld Clerkenwell Remix – Count Basie 3:55
Black Christmas – Poly Styrene 3:28
Xmas Rapping – Kurtis Blow 3:39
maudlin side:
White Nights (Psychic TV Cover) – The Golden Filter 4:37
White Tree – Karaocake 4:31
Sandwich Day – Owl & Mouse 2:45
Midnight Mass – The Understudies 4:00
Merry Christmas to the Drunks, Merry Christmas to the Lovers – Ballboy 3:08
Walking In The Air – Hong Kong In The 60s 2:57
Little Drummer Boy – Lindstrom 42:42
yes Lindstrom IS that long (you don’t care once you are that low down in the bottle).
obviously many have tried to beat it – but Fairytale of new york is perfect – and I too think Last Christmas is pop perfection..
I could be lucky; from the age of 13 to 31 I spent Christmas day alone, in bed, in the dark – perfectly content to ignore it. So now I get to enjoy it without all the jaded memories of uncomfortable days past.
i couldn’t find Ballboy on the youtubes.
hi amy – shane here – ballboy is on soundcloud:
and here’s aidian moffat from arab strap:
grumpy Scots are brilliant at Christmas.
How about this one from his mate Malkie?
I have an especial horror of Johnny Mathis’ When A Child Is Born.
Ha ha, I know the feeling. That one doesn’t bother me too much, but I thought nothing could be worse than Sir Cliff’s Mistletoe and Wine. Until he released Saviour’s Day.
quite so!
I collect Christmas music so that I can put l-o-n-g compilations together that mean I never have to listen to an endless loop of:
Slade-Cliff-Wizzard-BeachBoys-Elton-BoneyM-Essex-Crosby/Bowie-BandAid-Mud-Wombles-Shaky-Mathis
If I get a chance I’ll either ‘Box or Spill a playlist of oddities for you.
Here’s one of my favourite seasonal instrumentals – perfect for that late evening hour after the kids have finally gone to sleep ….
that box offer sounds cool, DarceysDad, I do have a smile when I hear Bowie and Bing and Paul McCartney related Christmas songs though 😉
And I challenge you to get the whole family singing along with this on Christmas Eve.
[audio src="https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/550863/06%20All%20I%20Want%20For%20Christmas.mp3" /]
I occasionally sing it, ostensibly to myself but actually in an overly loud stage-whisper, in the shops in December
I’m glad I’m not the only one ! I have several compilations now, one for every mood from stupid right through to really stupid.
It’s quite fun to put one of the more “out there” compilations on while doing the cooking, my Mum’s face is usually quite a picture.
I absolutely loathe both Brucie and Bowie.
Anyone hates the Pretenders has no soul though.
And here it is, since i haven’t heard it yet this year. (Get thee away, Coldplay.)
Oh god, yes! Got it somewhere on 7″. LOVE. “Hymn To Her” always reminds me of Xmas too – in my head it was a hit over Xmastime. Not sure if that’s actually the case.
and i’ll always love this one.
Much as I love Bob, not quite sure what to make of this
I love that one!
Loved it, just the idea of Bob doing Christmas was enough for me.
Bob’s on twitter now. I sent him a message asking if he knew any good jokes. I haven’t received a reply.
I rather like HMHB’s It’s Cliched to be Cynical at Christmas . And. of course Katzenjammer’s Norwegian Christmas song We Light Our Lanternswhich I sent to the Christmas earworms last year. Here’s their live version of White Christmas..
Can’t stand Wonderful Christmas Time even though I’m not a Paul hater. And I think Bono was right the first time when he told Midge Ure that “thank god it’s them instead of you” was a horrible line to put in a song about famine.
nb – I’ve told this story before but the year after Gary Glitter was first convicted I was doing some Christmas shopping in Hamleys, the kid’s toy store in Central London.
Somebody had neglected to remove Gary’s Rock and Roll Christmas from the compilation tape/CD which seemed like a faux pas to say the least. They played it three times while I was there. Oh dear.
One more Katzenjammer won’t hurt.
Loads of great suggestions here. I love Wham, The Pogues/Kirsty, The Pretenders, Christmas Wrapping, Jonah Lewie – really can’t stick Johnny Mathis, Bowie etc.
There’s a great Belle & Sebastian song (Are You Coming Over For Christmas) and I intend to spend much of the next few weeks listening to Sufjan Stevens’ beautiful home-made Christmas collections. I also love James Taylor’s take on Have Your Self A Merry Little Christmas and the Phil Spector ‘Christmas Gift’ album is always a favourite in the Toffee household. However, in the spirit of this post, I’ll give you my personal Christmas guilty pleasure…
Which Christmas record do I hate? ALL OF THEM. And Mrs Abahachi loves them, and once again has managed to ferret out the That’s What I Love About Inane Christmas Songs cd and the Biggest Bestest Longest Christmas Album Ever cd and all the others from the place where I had ‘left’ them (with plausible deniability; I certainly can’t be caught actually hiding the damned things) last year. And so it begins again.
Okay, one has a duty to make distinctions. If I could erase one Christmas song from the historical record, along with everyone involved in its production, manufacture and distribution, and all the radio stations that ever played it, it would be sodding Jona Lewie. Meanwhile, I actually quite like hearing the Pogues and Mariah Carey every year. Once each.
Bah. Humbug!
Yes. And?
For some reason I really like Slade and the Pogues and rate the Springsteen as the best ever but can’t stand any of the others
I’ve always hated that Springsteen one.
Forget the hate, let’s share the love :
‘Merry Christmas Baby’ by Charles Brown which i first on the NME’s ‘Little Imp’ comp.
& August Darnells’ ‘Christmas On Riverside Drive‘ that has every Christmas cliche in the book
Agree with the Wham/Pogues/Waitresses & you can add The Ronettes/Darlene Love – the rest is pish
*heard
Guilty pleasure – Destiny’s Child and ‘Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RYw3ue5vIuM
The first Christmas I ever spent in Finland was almost free of most of the songs mentioned above. And I missed them, Oh, how I missed them, I even missed complaining about them.
Favourite seasonal song: Let it Snow. And let’s have a death metal version:
An anti- Christmas song from Blink-182
Rudolph & The Gang – Here Comes Fatty Claus (1982) NSFW
Late-period “adults only” country platter, which I once proudly owned, that can still give me the giggles. The 45 gave no visual clues that it was not fit for airplay and I wonder if any radio stations ever played it unwittingly. Just like Napoleon XIV, the B-side is the A-Side played backwards!
I’m afraid my friends that the best is here, made by my very talented cousin!