EOTWQ – Casting Couch

I WAS going to the Beacons festival in Skipton today, http://greetingsfrombeacons.com/, with the Kirklees over-55s club (aka Distressed Gentlefolk of West Yorkshire Association). Anyway, I have just had a titanium plate screwed into my arm, which looks much more colourful than the arm in the photo above … rather like a beacon, in fact … but I digress. (Beth, I’m assured it won’t set off airport security alarms). The upshot is I’m here with a sore arm, spare time and a spare hand to type with and debbym gave me an idea … so here’s a little quiz to take your mind off the news and anything else you’d rather not think about:

1. Sign my cast with a bandage / plaster / titanium related song.
2. Tell us a tale about getting plastered, interpret this how you will.
3. Let us know if you’ve been to a good festival or a good live band event this summer.

That’s all, short and simple … have fun and please try to post links rather than videos otherwise they will gum up the blog.

Off you go!

39 thoughts on “EOTWQ – Casting Couch

  1. Sorry to hear you have to miss the festival, Ali, I shall try to keep you amused with stories of the west. Here’s a song by Chvrches called Broken Bones, I like it because it sounds like Yazoo with less strident vocals.

    I broke my leg when I was seven, but it’s not a very happy story. Condensed it goes: walk home half a mile on broken limb, 37 mile drive in the back of a mini to the hospital, the sweet my friend gave me means no anaesthetic for 4 hours, left alone in the hospital overnight, after 4 weeks in plaster they decide it’s set wrong and rebreak it without warning me, another month in plaster, limb looks like an egyptian mummy when it’s exposed and I limp, missed loads of maths which I subsequently get told off for not knowing. I’m fine now though 🙂

    I haven’t been to any festivals this summer, but we did enjoy the morris dancing and singing at the Druid’s Arms in Stanton Drew on the Summer Solstice.

      • It wasn’t fun, but hey, part of life’s rich experience, I do always warn my children not to run fast down hills though because that’s how I broke my leg.

        One of the good things about living in the city is that we’re 15 minutes from a hospital, although luckily *touches wood* we haven’t had any childhood mishaps that led to broken bones.

        I’ll have that gin with you one of these days x

      • I admit to being a bit shocked by their version the first time I heard it, but the Scissor Sisters have grown on me since, it’s a bold cover and all the better for that.

  2. Oh dear. Sorry you’re missing the festival Ali and having a titanium plate fixed doesn’t sound like a lot of fun. Does it stay in there or do they have to remove it at some point?

    Regarding the Qs, I will have to have a think about the first two but the answer to number three is “nope I haven’t!”
    My sister’s band, Keen, was meant to be reuniting after more than twenty years to play at a local event but with the various members scattered across the UK and beyond it doesn’t look like it’s going to happen.

  3. 1) I’m sorry, Ali, i hope is doesn’t hurt too much. For tunes – i could give you some Stones tunes about remedies (Sister Morphine), a wound and being plastered (Dear Doctor). I would never give you that tune by Band Aid (the American term for a plaster), because, to quote Morrissey –
    “I’m not afraid to say that I think Band Aid was diabolical. Or to say that I think Bob Geldof is a nauseating character. Many people find that very unsettling, but I’ll say it as loud as anyone wants me to. In the first instance the record itself was absolutely tuneless. One can have great concern for the people of Ethiopia, but it’s another thing to inflict daily torture on the people of Great Britain. It was an awful record considering the mass of talent involved. And it wasn’t done shyly it was the most self-righteous platform ever in the history of popular music.”

    So i’ll leave you with the Fabs.

    2) I’ve (knocking wood here) never broken a bone or had a cast or anything. Good thing too, as an uninsured yank. If i had a firstborn or a house they’d own it. You don’t want any stories about the other kind of plastered. I’m a horrible drunk. Ugly, sloppy, stupid and occasionally downright belligerent. These days if i inadvertantly get drunk, it’s just enough to make me really tired. This is best all around.

    3) No i haven’t. Possibly in the autumn here though.

    • Ho ho ho… Morrissey complaining about someone else being a nauseating character and absolutely tuneless records…. You couldn’t make it up!

      • Yeah, i know you don’t like Mozza. But i’d reckon even he (count me in) has a right few more fans than that song does. Nauseating character – hey, i won’t argue with you there. But still i reckon he’s made his musical contribution. (lotta folks (count me out) don’t much like Deadjams either.)

    • Last night i worked a wedding and was bitching with one of the post-college kids about how bad the band was. As we tend to do.

      PCK – They’re playing songs that nobody even knows.

      me- Well, i’m really old and i know a lot of them. Lotta Beatles, some Everly Bros, Buddy Holly. And ok, they did play 2 Talking Heads tunes.

      PCK – Oh, i like the Beatles! I just don’t know a lot of their songs. What they should do is just scrap the band and plug in the Led Zep channel on Pandora.

      me – ok kid, you’ve just redeemed yourself.

      band – (proceeds to butcher I Feel Love)

      me – shoot me now. wtf is a guy trying to do singing this song.

      Post-College kids – What is this song? Who did it? What’s it called?

      me – Donna Summer. Boston native. Disco classic. nevermind.

      i have a second interview tonight at the place with Exile on the jukebox. Would be nice to work in a place that understands what real music is. Goddammit.

  4. Hey, I was just getting all fired up to email you, but EOTWQing you is lots more fun!

    My mind has gone blank when it comes to ‘medical’ songs (wishful thinking!), so I’ll just send The Healer round instead, shall I?

    Like Beth, I ended waiting hours for an anasthaetic as a child because the headmaster got me to eat my packed lunch while waiting to be picked up from school after fracturing my wrist by falling over in the playground (sigh. I always led a life of mischief and danger.)
    My favourite getting plastered story has yet to happen, though, since it involves my crossing water and clinking glasses with you. Adnams!

    No festivals for me this summer (nothing new there, then), although I would REALLY have liked to see Les Yeux d’la Tête who were playing at a free festival here earlier this summer. Free! And I was otherwise engaged, ho hum. The weekend after next it’s our little neighbourhood festival and TheBoyWonder will be playing with his band, so I’ve got that to look forward to 😉

    Ali, I’m really pleased the medics got you sorted at last; may your arm stay itch-free!

  5. Hi Ali, sorry to hear you needed surgery perhaps some Novocaine will help with the pain!

    Touch wood, I’m with Amy here and haven’t broken a bone and no I won’t share any stories of being plastered, mainly because it doesn’t happen very often and they’d be quite dull, normally with me wanting to go to sleep!

    Had the pleasure of seeing two fabulous bands on separate occasions this summer at the Milton Keynes bowl and the sun shone gloriously for both concerts they were: Kings of Leon and Pearl Jam.

  6. Kings of Leon I like, Pearl Jam are a mystery to me so I’m off to look them up. If you like them, that’s enough recommendation!

    • You do know you’ve just invited a Leavey / DsD Pearl Jam post. Which is all good. Eddie Vedder has a supersexy voice. You probably know at least Alive and Jeremy and Evenflow, even if you don’t know you know them. Better Man is my fave.

      Good that you got to see them live, Leavey.

      • You read my mind amylee. 😉

        I recall my posts during tinny’s A-Z featured several PJ songs.

        Better Man is one of my faves too 🙂

        Mrs L’s fave is Jeremy and they played it this time, so she was delighted.

  7. Hi, Ali! That all sounds a bit grim…. The best I can offer is a couple of upbeat tunes with singalonga choruses. The first contains apparently sound advice for avoiding broken bones, and the second contains a message from all those suffering the after-effects of that American hurricane….

  8. Ali; What you need is in injection of this:

    I could bore you to tears with my tale of broken ankles, but I won’t.
    And I don’t do live music anymore, this weekend I passed on Scratch Perry at a local club, can’t be bothered.
    Hope that plate becomes painless, mine did.

  9. OK – Can’t think of one about plaster or bandages. I know one about titanium but it’s by no means a favourite. In the hope of bones recovering and getting back to normal I’ll give you The Seekers – Dese Bones Gonna Rise Again. Old black spiritual but I heard their white bread version first so it’s the one I know best.

    I’ve had an arm in plaster a couple of times. The first time I was riding my bike. Actually I wasn’t even riding it, I was stationery at a junction. I’d been to the Sainsburys superstore at Colliers Wood and left via a little slip road that led to a roundabout. When I got to it I stopped and tried to put my right foot down on the road. Unfortunately I had a bike with those funny pedals with the sort of claw thing that goes over the top of your foot. In my case it had also gone under the laces of my shoe but, of course, I didn’t know that.
    When I tried to put my foot down it was, effectively, tied to the pedal so it went down too. In fact the whole bike tipped over sideways. Great big panniers full of groceries helped add a bit of weight and all I could do to break my fall was put my right arm out. Ouch!
    While I was lying in the road wishing I was somewhere (or somebody) else a man drove his car up alongside me. He looked at me curiously as if to say “what on earth are you doing there?” then continued his journey.
    After a while I realised that I was just going to have to get back on board and cycle home. It wasn’t until the next day that I went to A & E and discovered I had broken my arm. I chose the blue plaster.

    • Ouch. I left mine for a day too; wasn’t sure if I’d just sprained it, but the angle and the fact that I couldn’t carry my brother’s pint back from the bar convinced me to go to A&E next day. I had a white plaster, then I chose a blue one … now I have a white plaster of Paris one which I woke up with on Wednesday. It attracts cat hair, curry stains, red wine and small insects.

  10. You need a dog. When my leg was in a cast, toe to knee, my dog would sit under the table and lick my protruding toes literally for an hour or more. He KNEW there was something wrong and that you cure it by licking it. It’s happened on several occasions since with a different dog.

  11. i’ve had my leg in plaster from a break which i actually did on an indie club dance floor in my early 20’s. i’d explain more but it’s a sad story. because i was very drunk i was given no painkillers and they had simply bandaged the leg and told me to return the next morning. i got back and slept on the sofa at my parents. when i needed a slash, rather than stagger to the toilet i peed in a metal rectangular container my dad kept one of his plants in. incredibly i managed to fill this thing absolutely brimful without any spillage. had to get my brother to empty it in the morning though!

    next morning whilst waiting to be seen i chatted to the father of a guy who had broken both arms. I said how unlucky he was. his father said, “it’s me you should feel sorry for. I have to do everything for him, and I mean Everything!”

    here’s to a speedy recovery.

    • That sounds ghastly – for you, your brother and that bloke’s dad! At least I can do things with my good arm, it just takes time so it’s a bit like life in slo mo. Like eating beans on toast with a spoon.

  12. I had two fairly recent spells in plaster, snapping the Achilles Tendons in both legs. On both occasions playing non-geriatric five-a-side football when well into my fifties; there is little hope of me ever growing up! Plastered for about seven weeks which was a total pain particularly trying to take a bath – when the right one went, there was no option but to sit at the plug and tap end with the bloody thing draped over the edge of the tub. When the tendon is healed it has to be stretched out via a surgical boot that would not be out of place in a medieval torture chamber. It’s not good stuff really, my thoughts for your rapid recovery Ali. Can’t think of any songs I’m afraid and haven’t done festivals for decades, not even via the box.

  13. Umm… Can’t think of any really appropriate songs, but here’s a reasonably upbeat hospital-related one: Billy Strayhon‘s Upper Manhattan Medical Group. Never broken any limbs, thankfully (both my brothers seemed to do it on a monthly basis – maybe it’s because I spent so much time as a child reading rather than doing daring things up trees, but I did accumulate lots of scrapes from cycling). This year’s festival – having been bumped from the Glastonbury guestlist by Mrs Abahachi in favour of her sister – was the Dinefwr Literary Festival in West Wales, where I got to see Viv Albertine in conversation and get heckled by Bridget Christie (not sure that’s quite how it’s supposed to work) before the ever-wonderful Trwbador playing songs from new album (out today, folks).

    • Thanks aba, I have two brothers too, a studious non-broken one and a daring battered one … seems I come somewhere in the middle, in terms of attributes if not age. Will check out Trwbador!

  14. Ouch! Get well soon, Ali.

    I’m blessed I guess. No serious injuries. My sister has enough for the both of us from her days doing gymnastics. At 15 she switched to playing soccer, which relieved my parents as they thought the chance of serious injury was going to be greatly reduced. And then in one of her first competitive matches, she got kicked in the head and got a skull fracture, concussion, and laceration. But what hurt her the worst was waking up and finding that the doctors had shaved part of her head to treat the wound.

    Don’t really have any “plastered” stories to tell, being a non-drinker. But after having a tooth extraction I – in a Novocaine and Demerol haze – did apparently drunk dial my office to inform them I wouldn’t be coming in today, even though I had already made those arrangements weeks in advance.

  15. A titanium-related song? Has to be: Marnie Stern – Precious Metal, seeing as that’s from the album In Advance Of The Broken Arm.

    Getting plastered? After our big accident in 2003, I woke up in Stepping Hill Hospital with my left leg in plaster, with two steel rods poking evilly out the ends of toes 2 & 3. The consultant surgeon came to my bed to explain what had been done, but to be honest, I was so out of it, only two phrases registered. One was that ”the X-ray on your left foot looked like a bag of marbles”, and the other was the explanation that to fix said problem, the two shiny knitting needles he’d inserted both ran the full length of my foot. Six horrible weeks later, I ended up scheduled for the removal of both plaster and pins at the same time.
    You know how when they cut a plaster cast off you, they use that ‘saw’ that actually just vibrates so fast but so delicately that it only cuts the plaster? When kids get worried, they demonstrate that it doesn’t cut skin by running the working ‘saw’ over their own hand. Well, despite that, I ended up crying like a baby, turning white and near passing out. I was truly, TRULY pathetic! Why? Because they cut the plaster off first, and whilst the ‘saw’ did its job perfectly well, the vibrating action made both pins sing like a tuning fork, and that was about the most exquisite pain I’ve ever felt in my life!

    Festival? Chance’d be a fine thing. However, last week, we were all at Bakewell Show, where DsMam & I are Life Patrons.

    Off to get everyone to bed. May be back later, maybe not.

    • D’you ever wish you hadn’t asked a question? I admit I shed a tear when I came round – I’ve had a bloody emergency Caesarean and never cried at all – they seemed puzzled that yes, my arm was actually sore!

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