The needle and the damage done….

Dean from Oz has recently posted a very moving account of his descent into addiction.

Here is a full exposé of the dark underworld that is the RR cult, and how it sucks you in, written by another victim. This should be a warning to you and your children.

And so it begins…

First you get a whiff of black smoke. Then someone offers you reefer blues and high numbers. They may start you off on legal highs, then when they have you hooked they’ll give you the keys to “the box” where illicit stuff is stashed. They’ll feed you hit after hit.

They tell you dropping mp3s is for teenyboppers, and say you need to join the grown ups, who are using vinyl with a needle. First they’ll give you the seven inch dose, then the stronger twelve inch for a longer high. Before you know it they have got you snorting Cocaine Blues and popping Amphetamine Annie. Then they lure you into private dens like the ‘spill, where they deal in the harder stuff away from prying eyes.

Like every wicked syndicate, the pushers all have street names to hide their real identities. They will all encourage you to try their ‘best stuff’. Shane will slip you some Kenickle compounds, for example. Blimpy will lure you with crack shandy by the harbour. Magicman will offer LSD, hiding his purpose by pretending it’s harmless Lucy in the sky with diamonds. Amy will dispense some mother’s little helpers. Sonofwebcore, on the other hand, will swear by Beatle Bones and Smokin Stones. Chris will extol the virtues of a wasted state of mind, and offer a high time. Treefrogdemon will offer needles (and pins) while you are learning to fly. DarceysDad will say you are on the righteous path, where the Devil don’t stay. Panther will urge you to take the peyote road. TatankaYotanka will feed you his rare and wicked potions and won’t rest til you are empty in Soho Square. They will all be doing their bit to reel you in to their secret addictions. No doubt others will add their favourite wraps and reefers in the comments below.

Once you are really hooked, they start cutting the good stuff, with Bish adulterating it with Beyonce and the like.

At this point they will let you in to the secret language of their netherworld – ‘donds’, ‘feeding frenzy’, ‘zedded’ and the rest. As with every corrupt band, they have their gangster slang.

And of course, this is an international syndicate. The tentacles of this muso-mafia stretch around the globe – Japan, Finland, Netherlands, Canada, Spain, Germany, Eire, etc. and of course the US of A. In New Jersey, the shadowy capo di tutti capi Steenbeck lurks at the centre of the web. She has a reputation as a wholesale supplier, although leaves matters to her lieutenants these days, only occasionally emerging to administer strong doses of Simone. She is also thought to be an associate of the Wu Tang Clan.

So the family must have been very pleased to recruit Dean last year, to extend their nefarious reach, and establish a new franchise in Australia. They are always looking to recruit fresh victims. They use an innocent looking part of the website of respected British newspaper, the Guardian. This is just a front, of course. This is how they entrap innocent contributors and groom them for their evil purposes.

The members of this fraternity have a distinct pecking order. This is based on the number of times each dealer has peddled Class A and Class B stuff. Those with the highest scores are at the top of the tree. Those who aren’t cutting it are just runners and footsoldiers.

The league table of which of the fraternity have earned the most respect is meticulously recorded by one of their number, who also runs the Marconium. This is a dealers’ pharmacopoeia listing all the addictive concoctions known so far, and is run by Marco ‘Owsley’ Marconius.

By now you are getting sweaty and suffering the shakes by the time the dealers congregate every Thursday evening for their evil marketplace. Then by Monday lunchtime you are in cold turkey. At this point they offer you access to out of hours shebeens like the infamous ‘spill. There Ali will have you eating addictive earworms as though they were harmless witchety grubs.

Then they might let you do a bit of dealing yourself – they flatter you by calling you ‘Guru’ and let you have some of their stash on condition you peddle it to others.

I’m a recovering addict myself, now in rehab, so believe me I know the pattern. Take my advice, Dean, and keep taking the tablets!! And let this be a warning to others.


P.S. The fact that there has never been a ‘Readers Recommend songs about drugs’ (or RRSA ‘addiction’) is further sinister evidence of the power of the RR mafia to conceal its nefarious aim to make us all slaves to the music.

19 thoughts on “The needle and the damage done….

    • Thanks Tinnie. Of course you are one of the worst culprits amongst these outlaws. You hold the keys to the box. And you even seduce unsuspecting novitiates to come up and see your private blog sometime. No doubt you ply them with Hemingway’s whiskey, and tell them about stuff that works 😉

    • Oh, and here‘s the High Time I’m supposed to offer, by my favourite waste of time, stretching a song to nearly double its studio length to accommodate Donna and Keith.

      Remember, folks:

      Nothing’s for certain
      It could always go wrong

  1. Cheeky beggar! That Beyoncé track was Time magazine’s song of the year last year, I’ll have you know. It IS the good stuff – just give it one more hit. You know you want to…

    • Hey Bish. ’twas only in jest. You know we all love you. Where would we be without Sinead, k.d. and, er, Mrs Carter!

      • I know, ghe – I did chortle. And you’re right: it’s absolutely an addiction. But I suppose there are more harmful ones to have!

  2. The F.B.I. have suspended the FIFA ivestigations and are now concentrating all of their attention to the RR blog. This could be the end for Peter Kimpton as head of the organisation. They are looking into global music laundering, the use of false names and the use of a secret language.

  3. “The tentacles of this muso-mafia stretch around the globe – Japan, Finland, Netherlands, Canada, Spain, Germany, Eire, etc. and of course the US of A.”

    La France consigned to the ‘etc’ group….quel sacré culot!

    Fun post ghe. lr x

  4. Absolutely terrific, and true!!! And to think there are no Rehab facilities, no RA meetings (Recommend Anonymous). Trying to quit is difficult at best. All one can think of is ‘music. songs, topics’. At work, at home. Waking in the middle of the night exclaiming, ”I’ve got one. . .”
    At first, I thought, ” I can quit anytime.” Alas, I found I wanted more and more. Sigh…SMH .

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